Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Camel Dreams

I have always been a planner. A big dreamer. Serious about my one life and how I'll choose to live it.

It's something I oftentimes fail to recognize properly about myself.

When Mark and I were dating something that he said to me repeatedly was how much he admired my outlook on life-my serious, purposeful, thought-out approach.

Just the other day I was talking with my mom. Not a normal catch up of those frantic phone calls (where you may or may not have dialed the same person six times in a row in a matter of five minutes). A conversation where I needed reassurance, calming, encouragement. A "you is smart, you is kind, you is important" kind of a moment.

I was distressed about a number of small things that all boiled down to the fact that my life is very much in limbo right now...on the verge...and I just want so much and don't know when I'll get/arrive/have what I envision and...ya know, meltdown. "I just want to have a plan", I said to mom. She said, "Alissa, you DO have a plan. Your life is/has been the most planned, most thought out of anyone's I've ever known".

Hmm... I thought. She's right.

All of that to say...I tend to be a bit serious, particularly when it comes to my vision of my (our/Mark's) future.

The other night I got carried away (again...this happens at least once a week)...planning, envisioning, talking.

(Mark is so gracious to me as I work through all the intricacies of my heart's desire(s). He is a patient listener as I share everything I can think of. )

When I had spilled every thought/emotion/plan the other night...I realized I am so often consumed by the "serious" things I want us to accomplish, about "serious" matters like professions, mission or secular organizations, retirement, childbirth/rearing abroad/US that I rarely share my silly guilty pleasure visions that are inconsequential but apart of my heart nonethless.

So, I shared one with Mark. A really silly one. This desire involves me with long flowing (somehow thick) hair, a turban (that makes me look mysterious and important) and a camel ride across a desert (probably running...somehow involved in rescuing someone, scratch that, saving a life.) =)

We shared some visions like that...some inconsequential ones, but ones' that make our hearts beat faster. And I absolutely loved hearing from my husband some of those dreams...fantasies. Can't wait...we'll see what happens.

So, uh, what's your "camel dreams"?

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