Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Solitude

I had a minute alone today.

I thought I was leaving work a bit early, but by the time I had excused myself from the last conversation as I walked out of the neighborhood it was after 5.

I called Mark to tell him I was on the way home. In our less than ten minute conversation I received 14 phone calls on my work phone. Neat.

I drove home distracted- mind busy- stressed at all that I didn't accomplish today.

When I got home it started to rain. A cool breeze shifted the Frangipangi flowers on our tree in the front yard. I sat in the doorway, out on the porch.

I had to refocus myself multiple times- to remind myself to be present, in that moment. To just experience it...
'
To feel the breeze and the every so often rain drop...
To hear the light rain, the rustling, the occasional meowing cat from the cat lady next door, the sound of the motorcycles, the new baby crying across the street.

It was good to sit and force myself in the present. To take a minute to do something completely trivial, something for myself.

Mark came home then- all wet and splattered with mud- as only he could arrive. We laughed. We sat a little longer out on the porch. We listened to some music and listened to each other.

There is a brokenness that I carry with me in this season, friend, I am sure you might have noticed it.
Sometimes this brokenness makes me a bit crazy- yelling and distracted, short-tempered or oft near tears. Maybe it seems I carry the weight of too much sadness, have not yet learned what is mine to bear and what is not. I haven't got it figured out, that's for sure.

But there is also so much life in this season. So much to be thankful for and so much to be happy about.

I'm thankful for quiet nights on the front porch, of a cool breeze, frangipangi scents, making Mark laugh over dinner, and that one minute of solitude that prepared my mind to enjoy the evening.

 

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