Helplessness

Up until now, I don't know that I've ever felt helpless. I really can't recall a moment when something was happening and I couldn't do something about it-change it, fight it, impact it.

Helplessness is not something that we Americans do well with. It is not something I do well with.

What do I do when I can't do anything?
Scream? Cry? Curse? Light buildings on fire?


Sometimes my work (hey, surprise, I'm talking about my job again... deal with it!) feels like a bunch of broken promises.

Like I can do this, this or this but if this, this , or this happens-you're out of luck. It's the worst when they do realize that and the worst when they don't realize that.

So often there's this attitude of, "it will be what it will be". Just a ...resignation.

Resignation...that doesn't sit well with me either.

But when all the odds are stacked against you, and all the worst is out there waiting for you... perhaps it's better to accept the fact that you're probably not going to make it out of this unscathed.

And I have a front row seat. I sip my bubble tea and watch. And I can't DO anything. Just listen and see and mourn when they mourn.

Tonight is a mourning kind of night.

And tomorrow...well, tomorrow I'm raising hell-helpful or not.